Ahh, the holidays!  Fuck ’em!!  And get these noisy Christmas carolers off my porch!  To me, the best part about Christmas is the day after —  when it’s all over.  (I am so turning into my dad, the non-televised version of Archie Bunker…)

But I went to this party at Smashbox Studios. It was a benefit for needy kids.  Or something.  No, seriously, it was (the press release said) a party to benefit "The Children of Greater Los Angeles."  And I know that there are a gazillion children in Los Angeles as I see them all over the place…. making out on bus benches, dressed in monochromatic uniforms smoking cigarettes or playing dodge ball, and scamming their way into bars using fake IDs.  And you always see tons of pregnant women shuffling around Los Angeles (unlike those women who adopt babies from Cambodia, because they want their babies as far-flung from America as possible), so there’s always a fresh supply of children to be had.  However, I didn’t actually SEE any children at the party, but maybe they weren’t on the guest list.  However,  I did see a lot of waitresses dressed like Holiday Hookers.

And check out Santa’s shiner! 

In the sage-like words of Paris Hilton (who was one of the hosts of this party), "That’s hot!"

My beloved Jeremy Scott was also one of the hosts.   As was Milla Jovovich, Donovan Leitch, Kirsty Hume, Carolyn MurphyRobert Downey, Jr., and some other famouses (the press release continued) but I didn’t see them anywhere.  Then again, there were so many Holiday Hookers that it was hard to even see the person you came with.

I love Jeremy Scott and I know that, unlike me, Jeremy loves Christmas!

Oh, then Alia Malley (who’s not my wife) and I decided that Diane needed some ice cream.  So, we fed her.


And when Diane said "Ya basta!" to the delicious ice cream, we said goodnight to the child-less benefit for children.

And to all…a good night.

Dino Dinco
Los Angeles