V & R & H & M

Paris-based Music Master Michel Gaubert was recently in Los Angeles, creating the audioscape for the launch party to celebrate Viktor & Rolf’s collaboration with H & M, as well as the opening of the H & M store at the Beverly Center.  Michel generously invited me and mentioned that there would be a runway show at 10pm.  Since V & R designed some wedding stuff, among other things, for H & M, I asked Alia Malley to accompany me so that I could get caught up in the fantasy of a hetero marriage, that sanctified American institution that only has a 50 % chance of success.   

Fridays are "Gross Polluters Day" in LA, where we all make a concerted effort to chip away at that precious ozone layer the greenies  rhapsodize about.  Hence, Alia and I drove separate cars to the party, even though we live together. 

We pull up to a small, simple bungalow in Bel Air….

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but I’m told by a headsetted clipboard woman who approached my car that since my car was dirty,  the valet parkers refused to touch it and I’d have to take the shuttle bus.  On the defensive, I explained, "It’s just a light coating of dust from driving down Beverly Glen. You can hardly see the dust at night, anyway."  All of a sudden, an explosion of strobes from the paparazzi bank illuminated not only Owen and Luke Wilson walking into the party, but also my car.  "Ah hah!," the headsetted clipboard lady cackled.  She quickly wiped her index finger across the hood of my car and pointed it, now slightly soiled, into my face.  "Can’t see it at night, huh?  You and your fake wife can take the shuttle bus.  Now get outta here and get your car waxed."  Great.  The West Coast.  We’re so free and easy going here….

Alia and I schlepped along to the Plebe Parking Area and waited for the shuttle bus, which finally pulled up to a couple of nice guys in tuxedos who were checking the guests lists.  Alia & I boarded the shuttle along with some reality tv show faces, a stylist whose name I forget and maybe…is her name Tara Reid?  The time is about 10:10 and I’m thinking that I’m sure the show will start a little late – we’re fine.  The shuttle driver didn’t actually start driving the shuttle to the party, but rather turned off all the lights and we were all awkwardly plunged into totaldarkness.  It looked like this:

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Ten minutes later, I heard a voice from the rear passenger corner of the shuttle bus say, "Um…we’re supposed to be at a fashion show that’s starting now."  Ten seconds later, the lights come on, ignition was made and we were off….

Past the modest entrance to the house, this is the first sight that I saw.  The four minute shuttle ride dehydrated me and I ran to this magnificent beverage display, trying to figure out which glass I would start with:

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All the champagne flutes were glued down to the glass bases, and even when I put my foot onto the display for support, I couldn’t pry a glass away and into my hands.  I tried to drink directly from one of the glasses but my head was too big to get my mouth onto the lip of the flute.  Alia dragged me to some kind of balcony overhang thing, where we could see a runway constructed inside an outdoor hall lined with white fabric and giant white bows.  An enormous white wedding cake thing anchored one end of the runway and clearly, we had just missed the show.  While a flurry of white rose petals blew through the air, a chamber orchestra started to play Mozart’s most famous work, "You Should Have Had Your Car Waxed..in D minor." 

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I bumped into Liz Goldwyn fairly early on, who is basking in the glow of her most recent publication, "Pretty Things: The Last Generation of American Burlesque Queens."  Congrats, Liz.  You can follow Liz around on her worldwide book signing tour by checking out: www.lizgoldwynfilms.com   Over Liz’s head, you can see Owen Wilson, fresh in from softball practice, and Chloe Sevigny puts on her game face, camera right.  I’m nearsighted, too.

Music scientist Michel Gaubert warms my heart and makes people move…

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and move….

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and move….

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and move….

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Alia Malley rises above.

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Instead of describing (or scanning) what was in the gift bag, I checked eBay the day after the party for a particular gift item inside.  And voila!  I found one you can bid on it and get it yourself:

click here

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Dino Dinco
At the car wash….

mm
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