To enter heaven, there's no backdoor.

Hello, everyone. I hope that you’re all having a nice day. I really do, mostly since god likes sincerity.

I just came across this cultural gem and felt the need to share, since god also likes sharing.

But we all know that what god doesn’t like is fags, and we know this to be true because there is a website www.godhatesfags.com and if something has a website, then we know it must be true. You’re probably familiar with one of the founders of this Westboro Baptist Church — the grey haired lady with Stage 3 rabies who visits the funerals of soldiers and AIDS-victims for fun. Love her.

But what’s faggier than www.godhatesfags.com? "God Hates Fags – The Musical" (…since musicals are quintessentially faggy — almost as faggy as words like "quintessentially.") Check this out. It’s way out there. At first, I thought it was Jack Black doing a "poof spoof" but maybe it’s real. Nah. It’s too clever to be real. Too camp to be Christian. Or is it?

The Bible Says

It’s healthy to eschew stereotypes, but in this case, let’s bring some of them back if only for the sake of healthy discussion. Donnie "God Hates Fags – The Musical" Davies is wearing white slacks, the trouser color for best showing off the size, shape and juiciness of one’s tubular man-package. Donnie, curiously enough, surrounds himself with only men in the video — in fact, he passionately holds the hands of not one, but a circle (jerk) of men who look like they’re ready for a circuit party. His pink shirt, unbuttoned to waxed mid-chest, is…well…pink. And although pink was adopted by the hip hop set as "their" color (while simultaneously slagging the gays who made pink what it is today), I don’t see Donnie as the next Jay-Z. Gay-Z, yes. Jay-Z, no. And the stache. Come on. That’s a textbook fag-stache if I ever saw it. A classic, Y-M-C-A, "hey daddy, what’s the blue hankie for?" third-eye nibbling fag-stache. Gorgeous.

So what’s Donnie’s story, anyway? Is he for real? Did he not just remake a Sylvester video? How much backlighting does one music video need, anyway? I’m thinking that before being a Christer pop singer, Donnie was a bum-burgling Chief Sergeant for the Hershey Highway Patrol, but buckled under the weight of fabulousness and beer busts at the Eagle.

Or are we being JT Leroy’d here? Is this a gallerist’s next cocaine cash cow art star?

Donnie, can we go camping together? You. Me. A bonfire and lots of S’mores? What do ya say?

Signed,

The Rapture Will Be Hotter With You, Donnie
Dino Dinco

Whoa! Go to his site: www.lovegodsway.org and check out the "safe bands" vs. "gay bands." Hot. Boy George and Elton John (who he lists as "really gay") are going to be pissed that Donnie outed them.